Two Birds of a Feather are Alone Together

In Alone Together: Always On, Turkle teaches us that we are like cyborgs, moving in and out of the virtual worlds through modern technology. As a consequence, our presence does not necessarily mean we are present. Hopefully, I didn’t lose you yet. It means when we are texting on our phones- we may be presently sitting in a bus- but our focus on the ride home shifts into the text conversation, making our presence absent, in a sense. Our physical bodies are present, but we are absent because we are living in the moment in a virtual world...

So much so that we may see each other as objects to be accessed because a lot of our sense of community is coming from the Internet. We sign in to get our social dose, and when we sign out we feel alone. When we are not connected, we feel alone. “Moments of more may leave us with lives of less.” –Turkle. Going to people for reasons of comfort, amusement, and usefulness sounds a lot like using someone, and it may be. It’s that idea that I’m sad, so I need to insert friend here to be happy or I’m lonely so insert company here to feel less lonely. I wonder if as rapidly the technology is growing, there is a parallel increase of “using” people. That study would probably be awkward to conduct. (Then again, awkward is what you make it!) Later on in this chapter, Turkle writes about how people are becoming less like individuals in the eyes of others and more as a unit, part of a larger thing. Friends are like fans, and I can relate. Even as we receive notifications on our social networking sites, we adore those who let those red flags come up, almost like they are fans of ours. Even when we e-mail, our responses feel like a task waiting to be completed rather than personal letters from friends. The more we submerge ourselves into all this technology, it seems the more we begin to lose certain things, like the idea of friends.

In one section, Turkle writes about the pull the Internet has on us. It teaches us to depend on it, to want it. In many ways, the Internet allows us to “fall in love with people and ideas.” The problem is, after you fall in, you fall out. The bonus is that adolescents who take advantage of this have a time where there is, what Turkle describes as, relatively no consequence. This is a free space. A space where kids can learn almost anything and expand their identity, play games and communicate with others. It is almost a burden though, we are finding out. The pressure to keep up with texts, e-mails, and social networking is overwhelming for adolescents. 

I am a nanny that cares for two children, 7 and 11, and the story is no different. The 7 year old, Miss R, is in first grade and already learning how to be drawn to her Kindle, TV, and the internet. The 11 year old is more of an extreme case in comparison. He checks and responds to texts every 2 minutes during homework. He complains that his homework takes too long to complete, and I agree. It would take me forever if I were to be continuously texting. I took his phone so he could concentrate, but after it started buzzing in my hand, he looked up irritated, looked back down to continue working, his fingers tapped irritatedly, and I heard him groan an Ugh. The thing is, he let me take his phone-no problem. He seemed relieved, but once I had it, I could see the urgency to write back. I told him it was going to be okay, he only had a few more problems to do. Once he completed it, he nearly jumped over the table to reach for his phone. It was desperate, kind of pathetic, and sad. Strangely, I am no different.

The two children often complain because Mom is always on her cell phone, even when she is driving. They say she texts all the time when she drives (which they dislike) and also takes time away that she could use to speak with them. She is a great mother and cares for her children a lot. Her job, however, requires her to be linked in a lot of the time. From conference calls to e-mails, she is busy. The children do not understand fully that when she is working at home through her mobile devices and laptop, they will not receive her attention because she is technically working (along with online shopping for them and the family). The problem is, the workday for her ends grayly. It is not the hours, but her responses and opinions about things that matter in her career, so her work day is constantly moving, and it is hard to have distinct times where she can be "off." You can see how confusing this can be to the kids. The kids are always wanting to come into her room when she is connected, but I have to make sure they understand Mom is working, and although she is 'here' technically she is absent. After all is said and done, it is not that she is being commited to the family (like I said, great mother!), it's just that her job demands technological savvy and commitment to keep up with. As a consequence, the family lifestyle is changing because the virtual world is demanding (in different ways, like in careers) that can only be dealt with online.

The Drama of the Text Message

The urgency to respond to texts is due to the speed of communication. On the flip side of this, we get irritated when we are not responded back just as quickly as we send them out. So many of us think or know there is a problem when we text someone who doesn't respond back in 3 minutes. If they are writing to a significant other, we assume they are uninterested or annoyed at us, when in actuality, they could be busy in their own technological world. Instead, we worry and feel hurt until BAM!- our phones buzz with a response or our e-mails tell us we've received more mail, or a chat glows a red flag. Then, we are more than just happy we got a response, we are satisfied-- until we write back and the anticipation and impatience begins again. 

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